One Year is a Big Deal

Our baby girl turned one today. Here is a look at what that one year has been like for her:

*born in Ethiopia
*lovingly placed with an orphanage in the hopes of giving her a safe and happy life
*being affectionately cared for by nannies and other orphanage staff
*meeting and attaching to those nannies as well as other kids in the orphanage
*meeting her new parents
*being moved from the only home she has known to a new care center in Addis
*being taken to a new country with new smells, food, language, and people who don't look familiar.
*learning what it means to have the safety of a mother & father's arms

What amazes me the most about all of this is our daughter is one of the happiest and most joyful people I know. God has truly blessed her with a special heart. I doubt I would be smiling like she has through so many losses and changes. Would you? You know what the best part for me is? I get to be her Mom.

I don't think a day has gone by when I have not thought of her birth mother. Her birth mother has lost so much and given even more in letting us raise her. You see, she is missing the good stuff. When Sophia cries--she reaches for me. How is it that someone like me can be given so much? I love the woman who gave my daughter life. I want my daughter to love her too. Oh, how I pray that God grants Sophia's birth mother peace on such a special day--a day that is bittersweet for one we love so much.

Facebook Deactivated; Life Reconnected

Facebook has been my "frienemy" for four years now. I first started an account when Toby was on a two week business trip to China & Malaysia and I was missing him terribly. Instead of seeking to be filled with what God would have for me, I sought out social interaction through social media. It seemed harmless at first. A fun way to reconnect with people I had lost touch with and stay connected with people I wanted to know better. That's what it was for a while, with a few games thrown in that I had to stop playing because while they were fun and my virtual crops were doing great, my real garden was dying and my family was being put second.

In the course of four years I have seen my social world expand into a false sense of intimacy. Really knowing the heart of my "friends" and sharing my heart with them has been reduced to a status update. I have found myself feeling like I don't need to share my life with others in real time because they have already seen it all on facebook. In the same way, I feel like I know people, but I don't know their hearts. I can easily see what is going on in your life through your facebook, but face-to-face, I'm too busy to say "hello". Is that really the kind of friend I want to be? Is that the kind of friend Jesus would want me to be? The kind of friend He is?

Then there is the issue of how truly addictive it can be. How easy it was for me to go straight to that facebook app whenever I turned on my phone. How simple it has been to be on facebook during a conversation with a friend, my children, my husband. How much time I have spent coming up with status updates that would gather numerous likes and comments. Do I spend that much time and energy trying to please my Lord?

There are things I will miss about facebook. I'll miss the daily scripture postings by my friend Phil, the easy way to communicate with people on a broad scale, the opportunities to step up and help those in need, and the feeling of being part of a group. I won't miss the privacy concerns or the needless drama that arises from time to time.

It has just been a few days since the facebook deactivation. I am hoping that I'll be a better friend, mom, wife, and follower of Christ. I already have more time to spend on all of those things. I'm looking forward to striking up real conversations and maybe even writing an actual letter to a friend.

Ready, Set, Go!

It's our last day of Summer vacation and it has been a busy one! Sophia has been doing wonderfully, even with the trips we have taken. More about our Summer adventures to come on another post. Right now I want to talk about some big changes for our family this Fall. Ethan, Emma, & Faith are headed off to private school. I have to say, it's bittersweet for this Momma. God provided a way to send them and made it clear to us that our season of homeschooling was ending (at least for now). We are so excited for all the new experiences they will have at school. Ethan is starting high school (I absolutely DO NOT feel old enough to have a kid in high school), Faith is starting middle school, and Emma is off to 7th grade. I am truly going to miss our adventures as a homeschool family. However, God does not disappoint so I know whatever He has in store for them and us will be fun as well. In the mean time, if you need to find me I'll probably be in the car shuttling kids to school, dance, sports, & rocking out to whatever is on the radio with the littles.

Life's Messy......Or So It Seems

It hasn't been all butterflies and lollipops since we've been home with Sophia. At times it has been downright overwhelming. It's been messy. I've been pooped on, slimmed, spit at, even peed on. My first trip to WINCO yesterday would have been a complete disaster if not for my ergo carrier and my amazing son. (Note to others, when buying a cart cover, make sure it has a buckle for your baby or baby will try to launch herself out of the cart.) It's been tough. We are still getting to know each other. Bonding doesn't happen in an instant, it takes work, patience, grace, and time. Someday I'll know what she wants when she cries without having to guess. Someday she'll accept the comfort of my arms every time she gets hurt or feels sad. For now, we try and try again.

It's sad when I think of all she's lost. A birth family, a birth culture, the benefit of being with people who look like you. I wish I could have given birth to her, but if I had, it wouldn't have been her. Only God knows why her life has started out this way, but in His plan for her, she was ALWAYS meant to be ours. I wish we "looked" on the outside like we feel on the inside, like a family that belongs together. I'm finding that a lot of people assume, when Toby is not with us, that I have had relationships with a few different 'guys' to get the kids I have. Please forgive me if I don't correct them. I'm just glad they think I'm their mom.

In the mean time, life is messy. But then, at the end of the day, I get to cuddle my beautiful daughter, get to know her a little better, tell her how much God loves her, and how much He loves me that he picked me to be her mom.

There are no words....

I've been hesitating about posting since we've been home. We did have an amazing trip to pick up our daughter, it's just been hard to find the words for all the emotions I've been feeling. You see, we were able to hug, talk to, and take pictures with Sophia's birth mother. In a moment of time, a woman we had never met became our family. It was the part of the trip I know I was the most nervous about. I could tell right off that she was nervous too. I don't want to go into details about what we asked her or post her photo. We believe that those things should be shared by our daughter when she wants to share them and is old enough to decide to. I can tell you that her favorite color is red, that she has Sophia's eyes, that she is beautiful, that she LOVES her daughter deeply, and that she is more courageous than anyone I have ever met. I hope that meeting us gave her peace about where her daughter was going and who would raise her. I hope she knows how much we love her and that we will continually pray for her. I hope she knows that we will tell Sophia about her and the selfless love she has for her daughter.

At the end of our meeting, she gave us bundled grass. This, in Ethiopian culture, symbolizes handing over a great responsibility to another. What an understatement...what a gift...

Family of Seven in the House!

Just wanted to make a quick post and let everyone know we are home with our sweet girl! She is transitioning beautifully (and so are we). So very thankful for all the prayers! We had an amazing trip and will post more about it later. For now, here are some photos of our sweetie!

Sophia is Coming Home!!!

Today we found out for sure that we are scheduled to appear at the US Embassy in Ethiopia on June 6th with our daughter. This means we are leaving in 5 days--5 DAYS!!!!! Are we running around like a bunch of crazies getting the house ready for a baby and our bags packed? YES! Are we feeling overcome with joy that God is bringing our girl home so soon? YES!

When we started this journey last February we had no idea about the journey God would take us on. There have been times when our hearts have been so heavy yet God has never left us. Now, we sit at an end and a beginning. An end to the roller-coaster ride that is adoption, an end to the frantic checking of email and jumping when the phone rings and a beginning of our life with Sophia home.

My heart is full from the blessings this journey has brought into our lives:

-2 beautiful Ethiopian daughters, one we will bring home and one that is home with Christ

-1 adorable nephew and a closeness with his parents that we will always treasure

-Sisters who have provided love, support, and laughter, and left me wondering how I ever survived without them--you know who you are S, C, L ;)

-Love for Ethiopia and the beautiful people who call it home

-2 trips to Ethiopia in 2 months--cannot wait to go back "home" next week

-A new understanding of God's grace that we would not have without needing it so badly

The list could go on and on but I do have A LOT to do before we leave in 5 DAYS!!!! Did I mention we leave in 5 Days!

On June 10th, we will get off a plane, go through immigration where our daughter becomes a US citizen, and walk through a terminal where our children will meet their sister. Thank you Lord for getting us here and for carrying us when we couldn't even crawl.