Friday, July 8, 2011

Life's Messy......Or So It Seems

It hasn't been all butterflies and lollipops since we've been home with Sophia. At times it has been downright overwhelming. It's been messy. I've been pooped on, slimmed, spit at, even peed on. My first trip to WINCO yesterday would have been a complete disaster if not for my ergo carrier and my amazing son. (Note to others, when buying a cart cover, make sure it has a buckle for your baby or baby will try to launch herself out of the cart.) It's been tough. We are still getting to know each other. Bonding doesn't happen in an instant, it takes work, patience, grace, and time. Someday I'll know what she wants when she cries without having to guess. Someday she'll accept the comfort of my arms every time she gets hurt or feels sad. For now, we try and try again.

It's sad when I think of all she's lost. A birth family, a birth culture, the benefit of being with people who look like you. I wish I could have given birth to her, but if I had, it wouldn't have been her. Only God knows why her life has started out this way, but in His plan for her, she was ALWAYS meant to be ours. I wish we "looked" on the outside like we feel on the inside, like a family that belongs together. I'm finding that a lot of people assume, when Toby is not with us, that I have had relationships with a few different 'guys' to get the kids I have. Please forgive me if I don't correct them. I'm just glad they think I'm their mom.

In the mean time, life is messy. But then, at the end of the day, I get to cuddle my beautiful daughter, get to know her a little better, tell her how much God loves her, and how much He loves me that he picked me to be her mom.