Monday, November 18, 2013

Really? You sure, God?

I am by nature, a private person.  I don't want to share my heart with strangers.  I'm not even sure the majority of the time if I want to share it with people I know.  I love to laugh.  I'm sarcastic.  I'm sensitive.  My idea of a heavenly day is a day ALONE.  I'm learning to be more friendly and I'm capable of carrying on a pleasant conversation with a friend and even a stranger.  I would just prefer not to.  IT WEARS ME OUT!  Not because the person I'm interacting with is in any way draining or unpleasant, I am just wired to get recharged by being alone. (Here is a link to a fun cartoon that describes introverts pretty well: )

One thing I am learning is that God continually grows me by asking me to SHARE and be social.  Oh how I would love it if He would be content to grow me where I'm comfortable.  Never once have I grown in Christ without being taken somewhere unexpected, uncomfortable, and requiring steps of trust.  Faith is funny that way.  It's defined as "complete trust or confidence in someone or something".  I CRAVE closeness with my God.  I can't get it without complete trust & confidence in Him.  I trust Him the MOST when He takes me where I don't want to go, mainly because I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO TRUST.

So where am I going with this?  Remember my last post about going private?  Well, guess what God is asking me to do?  Yep, He wants me to establish a relationship with the ENTIRE world wide web.  Oh joy....really?  He wants me to not just go back to being public but to be more REAL and VULNERABLE. ACK!!!  (I'm pretty sure that's not even a word but it sums up my feelings on God's latest requirement of me.)  I closed down the blog because our hearts were HURT.  People who say they love us, hurt us.  They took their "baggage" and whacked one of my precious children over the head with it.  This momma bear can be fierce and shut down the blog out of hurt, anger, and a desire to protect her baby.

I don't know why God is asking me to share with you.  I do know this, He wants me to trust Him with how others use it.  I can only TRUST that He will use it to bless others and for every unpleasant reaction there will be at least one whose heart will be drawn to HIM in some way.  My prayer life is going to grow, of that I am absolutely sure. 


Loraena said...

This makes me so happy. We also have been hurt deeply by those we love and that was a very large factor in me not writing frequently on my blog (which I'm aspiring to do more of, now, but I'm just so out of the habit...)!

Anyway, a big thing God showed me this weekend was how much of my life recently has been overshadowed by fear. Fear of being attached to a child that may not be mine, fear of being rejected by those whose opinions I respect, fear of being judged or shut down or ridiculed or misunderstood. I don't think I even realized how fearful I was until the fear was gone. It's just gone. This past weekend God completely removed it and I'm not afraid anymore.

LivingforGod said...

I'm a "closet introvert" :)! Thanks for sharing that link (to the cartoon). It explains pretty accurately.

I'm sorry to hear that one of your kids has been hurt by someone. To trust and obey...that's the only way! May God bless your obedience and use you/your blog for His glory!

Love in Jesus,

Linds said...

I totally get this. Keep pressing forward. I felt the same nudging to write and be vulnerable and be a truth teller. It's challenging and scary but it's so good.

Ann said...

Welcome back! I've also struggled with keeping my blog public but have always come to believe it is what is meant to be. As a fellow introvert you must read the book "Quiet." Fantastic book about introverts--the positives, history, research etc.