Welcome Year of the Rabbit

This past week was the beginning of Chinese New Year 2011; the year of the rabbit. I don't know all the traditions that go along with Chinese New Year or the meanings behind them all but this year we did a few things to make it special for her and us.

One of the things we did was make up Chinese New Year goodie bags for her preschool class. When I picked her up from preschool she was so excited to have shared some special gifts with her class. It was the first time since we brought her home that she was visibly proud to be Chinese. Chinese New Year goodie bags, $30, pride in being Chinese, priceless.

The other thing we did this year is go to the Families with Children from China's Chinese New Year Celebration. The Lion Dancers were pretty cool--although Eliza was scared of them and would not go near the costumes. They had a live band playing Chinese instruments. It was beautiful to hear and made Toby and I miss China. It amazes me how much of your heart can be left in a place so far away. The food was wonderful too, although Eliza would not try any of it.

Lion Dancers

One of the guests at the FCC celebration was the Chinese Ambassador from San Francisco. It was very sweet to hear him talk about how loved all the adopted children are. I hope he can share that with the people of China and maybe, through that, Eliza's birth parents will somehow know how loved she is.

Eliza's version of Chinese food--fish crackers

When you can't work the chopsticks, sword fighting with Daddy is the next best thing!

It's Time to Dance...

One of my favorite passages in the Bible right now is in Ecclesiastes:

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven--A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance."

I am so pleased to let you all know that IT IS TIME TO DANCE!!! Today we saw the sweetest face for the first time; the face of our daughter. Our little Sophia was born on October 11th which makes her 3 months old and she is one precious little bundle.

It was just last Friday, while I was dusting the highchair, that I felt a definite change in my heart. Instead of looking at the seat we meant for Savannah to fill and feeling sadness for the things we would never do with her, I felt hope and joy for the baby who will fill that chair. I know now that God had prepared my heart for the good news to come.



Guess what we are looking at! Sorry, no peeking! We can't show her picture online but if you see me I would be happy to show you.

Counting My Blessings

Today an old hymn keeps playing in my head. You may have heard it, "Count your Blessings" by Johnson Oatman Jr. Here are the lyrics:

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Refrain:
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
*Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.
[*And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.]

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings—wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

I am thinking that today is a great day to get out of the "funk" I've been in and do some counting.

Waiting.....

Once again we find ourselves waiting for a referral. I have to say I'm not feeling very patient this time. You would think we would have waiting down after the three year wait we had for Eliza. I remember how hard we thought that was and how we started this adoption thinking that this one would be the "easy" one. Not so... I am finding that I have to learn over, and over again to trust in God's timing and that rarely, if ever, does His timing follow the schedule I think it should.

I have been asking myself, whose timing am I waiting for? Ultimately, I am not waiting for someone to decide to release just the right referral for our family, I am waiting on the Lord's plan for us and our baby. It's not easy. I have moments of frustration, but I don't want anything less than God's timing. More than likely our baby has been born and as much as I want her home, no amount of fretting is going to get her home any sooner. So here we sit, waiting upon the Lord.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power, though the youth grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:28-31

Dear Savannah

Yesterday was Christmas. I bet you had a great time celebrating with the King of Kings. We had a quiet day at home opening gifts, playing, and eating nonstop. We lit a candle when we got up and left it burning all day for you. It was harder than I expected to blow it out last night and go to bed. I miss you baby. God says in Psalm 139 that He knit you together in your mother's womb and I know He knit you in my heart too. Your life was short but meant so much to a lot of people. I read somewhere that 1 in 10 babies die before age 1 from pneumonia in Ethiopia. I want you to know that you are not just another statistic. Do you have any idea how many people love you? Did you know that at least 14 kids will get the vaccinations they need because of you? Did you know that people are opening their hearts and their wallets to make a difference for kids who need a family because of you? I love you, sweet baby. I thank the Lord for giving us you and I would do it again tomorrow just for the chance to love you. Give Jesus a big birthday hug from us. Until we meet in heaven, Mommy.

Christmas

For those of you who truly are wondering and caring, we are doing well. I can never explain the peace and grace God has bestowed on us this past week. We will always remember our baby girl but I have to say, I never have to worry about her again. She is safe in the arms of the one who loves her deeper than I could ever understand, Jesus. We prayed many times that Savannah would be home before her birthday and she did go home, just not to the one I was thinking of. Now she is waiting for us and what a sweet reunion that will be!

We cannot shake the deep desire and knowing in our hearts we have that there is a baby out there that needs us to bring her home. God is definitely moving our hearts to do just that. Much to our surprise, we feel ready to go ahead with another adoption. Only God could have brought us to this point and we praise Him for it. It is going to be a tough road, fear is going to try to keep us from trying, but God will bring us through it.

I have had a few people make the remark that we "just need to get through the Holidays". I know they mean well and are just expressing their concern but I have to say that the last thing I want to do is "just get through" Christmas. Without Christmas I would not have hope. Jesus, God's only Son, came down at Christmas, grew to be a man, lived without sin, gave His life out of love for me and you, rose on the third day, and saved me! He saved me from my own ugly heart and sinful life and taught me to love. That is the reason we celebrate and I never want to forget it!

There is so much to say

Our worst fears were realized on Wednesday when we found out our sweet girl got sick and passed away in Ethiopia. This baby girl we love completely is not coming home to us but has, for reasons we don't understand, gone home to be with Jesus. I'm not going to lie, our hearts are broken, it hurts more than we could ever imagine. BUT we feel peace in knowing she is with our Lord, we feel blessed to be the ones who get to miss her, and we feel loved by those who have surrounded us in prayer and support. We will be sad but we won't stop loving and thanking our Lord for choosing us for this journey. We are going to take some time to grieve and then, when God makes His timing clear, we are going to put our hearts on the line again and love another little girl just as completely and we will always remember our daughter.