Waiting.....

Once again we find ourselves waiting for a referral. I have to say I'm not feeling very patient this time. You would think we would have waiting down after the three year wait we had for Eliza. I remember how hard we thought that was and how we started this adoption thinking that this one would be the "easy" one. Not so... I am finding that I have to learn over, and over again to trust in God's timing and that rarely, if ever, does His timing follow the schedule I think it should.

I have been asking myself, whose timing am I waiting for? Ultimately, I am not waiting for someone to decide to release just the right referral for our family, I am waiting on the Lord's plan for us and our baby. It's not easy. I have moments of frustration, but I don't want anything less than God's timing. More than likely our baby has been born and as much as I want her home, no amount of fretting is going to get her home any sooner. So here we sit, waiting upon the Lord.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power, though the youth grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:28-31

Dear Savannah

Yesterday was Christmas. I bet you had a great time celebrating with the King of Kings. We had a quiet day at home opening gifts, playing, and eating nonstop. We lit a candle when we got up and left it burning all day for you. It was harder than I expected to blow it out last night and go to bed. I miss you baby. God says in Psalm 139 that He knit you together in your mother's womb and I know He knit you in my heart too. Your life was short but meant so much to a lot of people. I read somewhere that 1 in 10 babies die before age 1 from pneumonia in Ethiopia. I want you to know that you are not just another statistic. Do you have any idea how many people love you? Did you know that at least 14 kids will get the vaccinations they need because of you? Did you know that people are opening their hearts and their wallets to make a difference for kids who need a family because of you? I love you, sweet baby. I thank the Lord for giving us you and I would do it again tomorrow just for the chance to love you. Give Jesus a big birthday hug from us. Until we meet in heaven, Mommy.

Christmas

For those of you who truly are wondering and caring, we are doing well. I can never explain the peace and grace God has bestowed on us this past week. We will always remember our baby girl but I have to say, I never have to worry about her again. She is safe in the arms of the one who loves her deeper than I could ever understand, Jesus. We prayed many times that Savannah would be home before her birthday and she did go home, just not to the one I was thinking of. Now she is waiting for us and what a sweet reunion that will be!

We cannot shake the deep desire and knowing in our hearts we have that there is a baby out there that needs us to bring her home. God is definitely moving our hearts to do just that. Much to our surprise, we feel ready to go ahead with another adoption. Only God could have brought us to this point and we praise Him for it. It is going to be a tough road, fear is going to try to keep us from trying, but God will bring us through it.

I have had a few people make the remark that we "just need to get through the Holidays". I know they mean well and are just expressing their concern but I have to say that the last thing I want to do is "just get through" Christmas. Without Christmas I would not have hope. Jesus, God's only Son, came down at Christmas, grew to be a man, lived without sin, gave His life out of love for me and you, rose on the third day, and saved me! He saved me from my own ugly heart and sinful life and taught me to love. That is the reason we celebrate and I never want to forget it!

There is so much to say

Our worst fears were realized on Wednesday when we found out our sweet girl got sick and passed away in Ethiopia. This baby girl we love completely is not coming home to us but has, for reasons we don't understand, gone home to be with Jesus. I'm not going to lie, our hearts are broken, it hurts more than we could ever imagine. BUT we feel peace in knowing she is with our Lord, we feel blessed to be the ones who get to miss her, and we feel loved by those who have surrounded us in prayer and support. We will be sad but we won't stop loving and thanking our Lord for choosing us for this journey. We are going to take some time to grieve and then, when God makes His timing clear, we are going to put our hearts on the line again and love another little girl just as completely and we will always remember our daughter.